If I wasn’t so busy offending people Larry David style I’d try to be like Ice T. I think my girlfriend would rather be Coco than Cheryl.

ICE T – 99 PROBLEMS

ICE T – GIRLS LGBNAF

This is perfect.

TIM DOG – FUCK COMPTON

What the hell is this???? Damage & Venom???? My name’s not appearing after DJ Damage! Jeez! Fuck him.

If I do actually turn up you can expect a heavy bass set featuring lots of our own material that will shame all these so called producer. We are the best and if people don’t recognise they are fools.

I went to a night called Aint It Black the other week at the surprisingly good but terribly named Favela Chic, and saw a DJ team called Yo Mamma! play a Baltimore style set. It was fun.

Forgive my ignorance but I know nothing about Baltimore anymore – I can’t keep abreast of everything! It all sounds the same to me – either a modern hip hop hit or a dance classic cut up percussively in Ableton with a Sing sing or Think break underneath. I try not to analyse things too much because it stops me enjoying myself and makes me old and cynical sounding.

This is my favourite ever Baltimore style track that wasn’t made in Baltimore.

EMYND – HANGIN ON

BTW New material from Venom and Damage is coming soon.

I found this 12″ during my holiday to South Beach Miami between visiting the fabulous Wolfsonian Design Museum and not so fabulous World Erotic Art Museum. BTW take a look at some of the exhibits at both.

Man Parrish, the “electro funky white boy” and pioneer of electronic music, made a track with Paul Parker, the creator of my favourite jogging track – Right on target.

PAUL PARKER – ONE LOOK (WAS ENOUGH)

The collaboration reads better than it sounds – right?

Better than both J’s Pizza on West End Lane and J Date is J-Zone’s Ign’ant mixtape from 2003. This mish mash of domestic volence, robbery and sexism gives me a hard on.

I got it in 2003 and it’s taken this long to get my head round it. Both Rory P and Michael O’N will love this – it could be the best mixtape ever. It’s full of gangsta tales about purse snatching, splitting bums, crack dealing and keeping dead skeezers in freezer all mixed up perfectly for the kids – it’s deep. Happy valentines.

1 ICE-T – WARNING
2 CB4 – INTRO
3 EAZY-E – STILL TALKIN’
4 POISON CLAN – LOW LIFE COOKIE MOTHERFUCKAS
5 THE DOGS – DOOKIE SHOOT
6 SUGA FREE – I’D RATHER GIVE U MY BITCH
7 MASTER P – DOPE MAN’S COMMERCIAL
8 MASTER P – PSYCHO RHYMES
9 MASTER P – OOH SHIT
10 UGK – I’M SO BAD
11 BIG L – DANGER ZONE
12 TOO MUCH TROUBLE – INVASION OF THE PURSE SNATCHERS
13 PROJECT PAT – GORILLA PIMP
14 LUKE FEATURING NOTORIOUS B.I.G. – BUST A NUT
15 WILLIE D FEATURING CHOICE – I NEED SOME PUSSY
16 TOO MUCH TROUBLE – IF U AIN’T SUCKIN’
17 POISON CLAN – UZI GETS HOT
18 POISON CLAN – BAD INFLUENCE
19 DISCO RICK FEATURING THE DOGS – SUCK THAT DICK
20 EAZY-E – SORRY LOUIE
21 TOO SHORT FEATURING FREDDIE B – GAME
22 RON C – MO HOES
23 X-RAIDED – EVERY SINGLE BITCH
24 CONVICTS – WHOOP HER ASS
25 TWEEDY BIRDLOC – NO MUTHA FUCKIN’ ROLE MODELS JACKIN’ FOR TRANSPO
26 TOO MUCH TROUBLE – OUTRO – PISS ON HIS DEAD HEAD
27 GO-RILLA PIMP – PIMP OLYMPICS

J-ZONE – IGN’ANT

I found this really worn picture disc in Miami. YouTube says “zadora is very sexy and cupid girl.” I agree.

PIA ZADORA – LET’S DANCE TONIGHT