Better than both J’s Pizza on West End Lane and J Date is J-Zone’s Ign’ant mixtape from 2003. This mish mash of domestic volence, robbery and sexism gives me a hard on.

I got it in 2003 and it’s taken this long to get my head round it. Both Rory P and Michael O’N will love this – it could be the best mixtape ever. It’s full of gangsta tales about purse snatching, splitting bums, crack dealing and keeping dead skeezers in freezer all mixed up perfectly for the kids – it’s deep. Happy valentines.

1 ICE-T – WARNING
2 CB4 – INTRO
3 EAZY-E – STILL TALKIN’
4 POISON CLAN – LOW LIFE COOKIE MOTHERFUCKAS
5 THE DOGS – DOOKIE SHOOT
6 SUGA FREE – I’D RATHER GIVE U MY BITCH
7 MASTER P – DOPE MAN’S COMMERCIAL
8 MASTER P – PSYCHO RHYMES
9 MASTER P – OOH SHIT
10 UGK – I’M SO BAD
11 BIG L – DANGER ZONE
12 TOO MUCH TROUBLE – INVASION OF THE PURSE SNATCHERS
13 PROJECT PAT – GORILLA PIMP
14 LUKE FEATURING NOTORIOUS B.I.G. – BUST A NUT
15 WILLIE D FEATURING CHOICE – I NEED SOME PUSSY
16 TOO MUCH TROUBLE – IF U AIN’T SUCKIN’
17 POISON CLAN – UZI GETS HOT
18 POISON CLAN – BAD INFLUENCE
19 DISCO RICK FEATURING THE DOGS – SUCK THAT DICK
20 EAZY-E – SORRY LOUIE
21 TOO SHORT FEATURING FREDDIE B – GAME
22 RON C – MO HOES
23 X-RAIDED – EVERY SINGLE BITCH
24 CONVICTS – WHOOP HER ASS
25 TWEEDY BIRDLOC – NO MUTHA FUCKIN’ ROLE MODELS JACKIN’ FOR TRANSPO
26 TOO MUCH TROUBLE – OUTRO – PISS ON HIS DEAD HEAD
27 GO-RILLA PIMP – PIMP OLYMPICS

J-ZONE – IGN’ANT

Girls make me lots of cake these days but I don’t think I’ve got any of this pie.
AMG – JIGGABLE PIE

BONUS ULTRA LO-FI TRACK
Pimp C, RIP, had some interesting talents…
UGK – I’M SO BAD

I wish going out and meeting people was more like it was in 1990s American popular culture. I want to go up to all the hot girls in the club like Jazz eyeing up Hillary Banks in The Fresh Prince and say things like “Damn girl! You look fine”! or “Why dance with a zero when you can get with a hero?” This track sort of has that vibe. FYI Apparently Positive K rapped the female voice too.

POSITIVE K – I GOT A MAN

Link stolen from Missingtoof.com

Every time I go round to my mate’s house I consume a big fat dose of swing and slowly I’ve become addicted to the stuff. I crave it!

I remember when the Work It sound was popular first time round. I had compilation tapes that featured Wreckx-N-Effect, SWV, En Vogue and Mary J but not much else. It was really the music that many of the kids in class’ older sisters listened to. My friends and me were probably too busy going insane in the membrane to Cypress Hill or something to pay attention.

I do remember a few things like…

FATHER MC FEAT JODECI – EVERYTHING’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT

There was a time when Rephlex could do no wrong in my eyes. In the late 90s they released so many gems. My favourites include the especially retarded stuff like Bodenstandig 2000’s Maxi German Rave Blast Hits 3, Chaos A.D’s Remixes and Freakwincey’s I Farted. I also adored DMX Krew’s We Are DMX album and Cylob’s Living In The 1980s and Rewind – when those two made pop it was uniquely clever and fun. Fuschimuschi’s Super Sexy Lady was cool  and, yeah, Lektrogirl’s I Love My Computer has many moments of extreme genius too.

I don’t know if it was me sheepishly following fashion but by 2002 that scene seemed too retro (lol) and it felt like an incestuously chinstroking closed shop of egos and geekdom. These days I realise every scene’s the same and none of that matters and now I love all those 12”s again.

Here’s a long out of print track from their more unashamedly retro back catalogue that showcases why most plugins don’t match Roland analogue synths*

RAILWAY RAVER – PUMP UP THE HOUSING BENEFIT
and here’s another
RAILWAY RAVER – I WANT TO HELP U, ROLAND

* It’s an issue that I spend a lot of time thinking about.

I wish I had a copy of this 1992 record by the mysterous Michael Knight on Devon Records. The 12″ costs £90 on Discogs so all I have are these mid-fi MP3s.

MICHAEL KNIGHT – KNIGHT RYDER (12″ VERSION)
MICHAEL KNIGHT- KNIGHT RYDER (DUB MIX)
MICHAEL KNIGHT- KNIGHT RYDER (HIP HOUSE MIX)