As sampled by the great Bitch Ass Darius in the above track.

CO-ED – ROLL WIT ME

I’m feeling so sorry for myself today I can’t do ANYTHING nevermind clean my flat.  High quality bitch rap like this provides some comfort.

KHIA – LIKE ME

Better than both J’s Pizza on West End Lane and J Date is J-Zone’s Ign’ant mixtape from 2003. This mish mash of domestic volence, robbery and sexism gives me a hard on.

I got it in 2003 and it’s taken this long to get my head round it. Both Rory P and Michael O’N will love this – it could be the best mixtape ever. It’s full of gangsta tales about purse snatching, splitting bums, crack dealing and keeping dead skeezers in freezer all mixed up perfectly for the kids – it’s deep. Happy valentines.

1 ICE-T – WARNING
2 CB4 – INTRO
3 EAZY-E – STILL TALKIN’
4 POISON CLAN – LOW LIFE COOKIE MOTHERFUCKAS
5 THE DOGS – DOOKIE SHOOT
6 SUGA FREE – I’D RATHER GIVE U MY BITCH
7 MASTER P – DOPE MAN’S COMMERCIAL
8 MASTER P – PSYCHO RHYMES
9 MASTER P – OOH SHIT
10 UGK – I’M SO BAD
11 BIG L – DANGER ZONE
12 TOO MUCH TROUBLE – INVASION OF THE PURSE SNATCHERS
13 PROJECT PAT – GORILLA PIMP
14 LUKE FEATURING NOTORIOUS B.I.G. – BUST A NUT
15 WILLIE D FEATURING CHOICE – I NEED SOME PUSSY
16 TOO MUCH TROUBLE – IF U AIN’T SUCKIN’
17 POISON CLAN – UZI GETS HOT
18 POISON CLAN – BAD INFLUENCE
19 DISCO RICK FEATURING THE DOGS – SUCK THAT DICK
20 EAZY-E – SORRY LOUIE
21 TOO SHORT FEATURING FREDDIE B – GAME
22 RON C – MO HOES
23 X-RAIDED – EVERY SINGLE BITCH
24 CONVICTS – WHOOP HER ASS
25 TWEEDY BIRDLOC – NO MUTHA FUCKIN’ ROLE MODELS JACKIN’ FOR TRANSPO
26 TOO MUCH TROUBLE – OUTRO – PISS ON HIS DEAD HEAD
27 GO-RILLA PIMP – PIMP OLYMPICS

J-ZONE – IGN’ANT

Girls make me lots of cake these days but I don’t think I’ve got any of this pie.
AMG – JIGGABLE PIE

BONUS ULTRA LO-FI TRACK
Pimp C, RIP, had some interesting talents…
UGK – I’M SO BAD

A few years ago when I was working at the Antiques Roadshow, I accidentally played David Banner’s Play, the track that’s about wet pussy, through my PC speakers really loudly back to back for half an hour.  Loads of stuffy executives were being shown round the office. When I realised that the music wasn’t just coming through my PC’s headphones it was very embarassing. Life was so krazee back then!!!!

Speaking of David Banner, this is first Southern hip hop track I owned on vinyl and it’s also my favourite.
ALFAMEGA FEAT DAVID BANNER – MUTHAF**KA